Related to the earlier mac and cheeze post, but this time made with shells, and the white miso. I put a little too much margarine into the roux, but it came out just fine. Better than fine, it came out delicious.

The one thing that this sauce has in common with my grandmother’s homemade mac and cheese (my personal holy grail), is that it reheats for shit. The sauce gets all clumpy.

I don’t make a lot of breakfast foods because a) I’m lazy, especially in the morning and b) I’m not the biggest fan of breakfast foods. However, I had a dream yesterday that I was eating pancakes in maple syrup, so I woke up and made my first batch of pancakes from Vegan With A Vengeance: Coconut. (There’s instructions for a pineapple sauce, but pineapple is made out of evil.)

These are the biggest pancakes known to mankind! I feel like I need Charleton Heston to narrate the rest of this entry.

I just put some Morello cherry preserves on top, drizzled with some maple syrup and then proceeded to only be able to finish barely one pancake. Oh well, it was nom nom delicious. I think next time I’ll try coconut milk in place of the requested soy + coconut extract. Other than that, good stuff.

Alright, I make mango ginger tofu a lot. All of the time. I should just start injecting the marinade directly into my veins. The great punchline? Last night, I realized that I’ve been making it wrong for the past two years. The recipe says to bake the tofu and mango/bell pepper mixture on baking sheets… and I’ve been baking the whole thing in a casserole dish. That doesn’t sound like a big deal, but the texture of the tofu is completely different, and so is the taste of the sauce. It’s spicier, the flavors pop… it’s so. fucking. good. And it looks a lot better than before, but maybe I’m just learning how to be fancy.

Yeah, you heard me. Mother fucking jelly donut cupcakes. The very first recipe that I bother to make out of the Veganomicon. Try it and you won’t blame me.

They’re reminiscent of donut shop jellies, but they’re not fried so expect more of a cakey texture. In fact, if you’ve ever had Hostess Powdered Raspberry Jelly Donuts (that my mom is addicted to), expect that… only good. You hear that, Mom? You’re not buying a box of that shit ever again, you’re eating these from now on. Now buy me a donut pan.

Follow the directions and use cheap supermarket jelly. While I used “the good stuff” because it’s what was in my fridge, they tasted way too highbrow to be jelly donut-esque. And let them cool before you dig into them, let you have a cupcake massacre.

Said massacre.

Well-behaved after being left alone overnight.

Mac and “cheese.” Pretty much the vegan holy grail. Many bloodied attempts have been made across the world to make this dish actually resemble childhood memories rather than the smell of feet… but to no avail. Some crusty hippies have managed to convince themselves that their Made Entirely Out of Nooch sauces taste more like Grandma’s recipe than Grandma herself, but LSD will do that.

Let’s get things straight: I have a problem with nooch. I can choke down a (whole) box of Shells and Chreeze with the best of them (mostly out of sheer laziness), but I would never in a thousand years feed it to an omni… or even another vegan. And even then, I smother than shit in ketchup. Nooch works when it’s not the main, overwhelming flavor. Nutritional yeast is like the bratty kid in the playground, the little shit that terrorizes all of the good kids and makes you want to kick him in the throat. (Hands up, who wants me to babysit their kids?) Nooch must be taught how to play nicely with other ingredients and sit in the background.

Lolo at VeganYumYum has developed a mac and cheeze that honestly doesn’t make me wish I were eating something else. That’s an actual compliment, since making vegan cheese products is frustratingly (read: seemingly fucking impossibly) hard to accomplish. You won’t be fooled into thinking that someone slipped you a Velveeta roofie, but it’s damn satisfying. And it doesn’t taste or smell like feet.

I used red miso because that’s all I had in the apartment, and it still came out pretty good. It would have a nicer, more mellow flavor with the white. Also, in my house, mac and cheese isn’t baked. Breadcrumbs? Blasphemy. But like a good little instruction-follower, I always make recipes as written for the first time. Tonight, I’ll be making it with the white miso and skip this baking chicanery.

Scramble! It’s a breakfast of love.

I’ve had tofu scramble a million times, but I don’t recall ever making it before. Perhaps it’s because this time was the best fucking batch of tofu scramble ever. My roommate/ex made it a lot and it was ok. Another ex tried really hard to make it as a last reprieve apology (right before I kicked him out), and while he made the tofu really fluffy, I don’t think he deglazed the pan because it turned out more with a spice “breading”, which isn’t so tasty. However, I crown myself the scramble king.

I take issue with the name “tofu scramble.” People hear “tofu” and immediately tune out. “Garden Scramble” sounds a little too vegetable rights and peace, man, even if it would be a more presentable name. When I’m cranky, “F-U Scramble” sounds appealing but would probably scare the non-mohawked set.

Also, the hot chocolate. Trader Joe’s Sipping Chocolate. Boy, were they not fucking kidding when they named this. It’s like drinking hot fudge. Do not fill a whole mug with this stuff, stick to the 1/4 cup suggested serving size. The whipped topping is Rod’s brand, which I found at Smart & Final. Since it’s accidentally vegan (as most vegans know, most non-dairy shit still contains sodium casinate, or casein, which is a milk protein and invariably fucks up a potential good find), it’s also accidentally cheap and abundant unlike Soyatoo. Neither is healthy, but if you want some motherfucking whipped cream every once in a while, it won’t kill you. Or it might, if you choke on the lid as you shove the nozzle down your throat. I can see the headlines now: Vegan dies as result of non-dairy diet! Hysteria!

I think I’m going to make more tonight, but instead I’m going to use Dagoba Xocoatl and look forward to Día de los Muertos.

Apparently I’m on a chipotle kick. Or as I constantly, shamelessly bite from a terrible fast food commercial, chipoodle. It’s got more heat than I anticipated, which is always a good thing. The lime juice brings a really interesting flavor to the mix, and I think I’ll use sweet potatoes next time instead of the Russets, just to bring in a little more sweetness than just the corn. I pureed a little bit of the stew with my immersion blender because I managed to buy whole peeled tomatoes instead of crushed ones. It definitely didn’t bring about the end of the world.

 Everything you see here is in Vive Le Vegan, and it’s ass-slapping yummy.

White Bean & Yam Chipotle Hummus

This may be the last hummus I ever try. That’s a lot for a vegan, which as we all know must have a full catalog of hummus varieties under their belt to support their hummus habit. (It’s worse than meth, honest.) It’s not a true hummus because there’s no chickpeas or tahini, but it’s creamy and sweet potato-y and very nommable. And I did use sweet potatoes instead of yams because that’s how I roll.

Quinoa & Hummus Casserole

That hummus went into this casserole, along with a base layer of quinoa, and roasted vegetables on top. It comes apart really easily once out of the casserole dish, which is why the above picture is posted rather than this one. It’s an interesting idea for a casserole, and I had never thought to bake with hummus. I put some of the leftover chipotle remoulade on the sweet potato wedges, though I think I would have preferred ketchup because I’m classy.

Pear Crisp (a la Mode)

This is a monsterous portion. I went into a sugar coma after consuming this. I have no idea what that shiny, pink, mystery object is at the bottom of the photo. It looks like it could be one of my fingers, only horribly mutated. I don’t know.

Also, this is really fucking good. I got a bag of D’anjou pears from Trader Joe’s for super cheap and threw this together. Have I ever mentioned that I hate working with raw ginger? The smell gets into my fingers and won’t go away for days. I have to grate all ginger on my Microplane, regardless of what the recipe asks for. I can’t tolerate ginger chunks or slices – it must be evenly distributed. I actually like gari (pickled sushi ginger), but that’s because I’m clearly a freak.

I’m going to have to cook out of Vive Le Vegan more often, and pick up her new book, Eat Drink & Be Vegan. I keep looking through her first book, The Everyday Vegan, but nothing jumps out at me as anything I want to try.

Ugh, the marzipan was a bitch to find. Thanks to a tip by orangediana on the PPK forums, I finally found it at CostPlus World Market. Also, marzipan doesn’t taste so great. But it looks pretty with my sakura shaped cutters.

Don’t let the picture fool you, this omlette is super creamy. If you are a big fan of all things eggy, you’ll probably be disappointed by this recipe. I, however, was fucking delighted by it. Finally, something in omelette form that I can eat and enjoy.

The filling was just a heated up portion of Potato Medley from Trader Joe’s freezer section, but it did the job. I would have rather gone the sauteed spinach and mushroom route like the recipe shows, but alas it was not to be. Also, my omlette is probably five times thicker than hers, which looks more like a crepe. (Which I don’t know how she did it, because that batter is thick and really hard to smooth out.) But that’s ok, I like my little monstrosity.

The biscuits were quite good, and reminded me of a grodier, pregan time when we’d go to KFC (yeah, I know) and eat boxes of biscuits with the little margarine and honey packets. It is truly a mystery as to how I got fat.

The gravy was interesting and very heavy on the sage flavor. It’s not the country gravy that I had in mind, but it was an adventure. It’s really more of a paste than a gravy, even after I put in a lot more soymilk than the recipe called for. Not bad, but I’ll probably try a different gravy with the biscuits next time.

Images only for right now because I’m about to go to sleep.

Pro Tip: Refrigerate your frostings for about an hour or so before piping. Also, for the love of Seitan, use a Wilton piping bag with the biggest mo’ fo’ of a tip you can find; I use a 1M and the fucker is so. worth. it. Start piping from the middle of the cupcake, going to the edge, then swirl your way back on up.

Isa, I could kiss you for inventing real vegan chocolate mousse. Did you ever know that you’re my hero?

There will be two more new batches tomorrow, for there is yet another coworker birthday. Like I need an excuse to make cupcakes.